I gave the sun to you, you said it was too bright
I gave you diamond rings, you said they didnt shine
I gave my world to you, But you said it's not enough
til you do me right, baby face


I could not believe it when you said you wanted to spend forever with me. I could not believe that there was nothing you wanted me to change about who I was, where I was going or what I was doing.

I could not believe you wanted me for me.

I thought you were everything I could ever possibly need. I thought you were the absolute cheese, you, my misunderstood love.

But that all changed… it took some time but it all changed.

It changed because it slowly dawned on me that I was not strong enough to put my foot down about certain things and I let you get away with so much.

It changed because I was not honest enough with myself to admit that we were too different to fit.

I thank you for opening my eyes my love. For making me realize that the problem was not with me.For making me understand and appreciate who I am.

I thank you letting me realize that I do not need to give people excuses to appreciate me for me, for making me understand that I don’t need to hold any one’s hand… for making me finally know that the highest respect anyone can pay you is letting you be you, without you having to fight for explanations.

I thank you for calling me blonde which translates into me being extremely stooooopid. I thank you for in that moment I realized that I detest that word in the way you use it.I realized that no matter how blonde I might be, I’m not extremely stupid. Thanks to God, my family and through life, I have learned a great deal.. Shoot! I have mad skillz!

But for you to belittle me and disrespect everything about me in that way makes me realize that my being me is of no consequence to you.

I thank you for letting me to know that I whine a lot. You call me extremely stupid, I react and I whine a lot, is your reaction. I was going for righteous indignation actually but once again, I thank you for opening my eyes.

So this is my good bye to you, my love. I learnt a lot from you.

I learnt that I will always be wrong.
I learnt that you will never fight for me.
I learnt that you will never look out for me.
I learnt that I am not even worth as much as your cigarettes.
I learnt you are a great believer in you and me... Not US.
I learnt to appreciate my time, appreciate me… because lets face it, I cant be anyone else.

So this time, I’m walking away and not making excuses for you, not making me take anymore twash from you.

I’m done.

Selfish- Asia Cruz

I have been with James for 3 years now, darling sweet James. James who is everything i want in a man, he's caring, sensitive, kind..let me not bored you with all the things i wish i could say about darling sweet James.

James asked me to marry him. I was over the moon! Had i not already had the invitations written out in my head? Had i not already chosen my colours, the sitting arrangement. I had even selected our menu, carefully picking out the foods we would eat that day, that day my life would be complete because i knew i would officially belong to sweet James.

We picked out our curtains the other day and i thought, Yes, this is all coming together rather nicely. James lets me get my way, he is such a wise man.

The oddest thing seemed to be happen a whiles back, almost 4 months ago, i didnt think anything of it, after all i had my sweet james and my life was all planned out.I met Euguene... strong, funny, charming Eugene.

Eugene who smiles and i think about that smile hours later when im with James and i realise that James really should have seen a dentist some odd years ago. Eugene who says my name and i feel like he's remembering everything about me.Eugene who gives me a hug and i think..yes, this is aman who knows how to hold a woman.

I sit here looking at james and wonder if i am settling for....James when i could have Eugene. I mean, 3 years are just that 3 years..i could be giving the rest of my mortal life to a man who is just sweet, wise, considerate..sweet wise, considerate..sweet wise considerate...

What do i do with James? Should i tell him im having 2nd and 3rd thoughts or should i wait it out? There's a possibility this thing with Eugene wont fly and then where will that leave me? Alone, thats where, having to do this whole relationship thing again, having to explain why i let sweet darling James go.

But what about me? This is my life! I cannot be expected to settle for James when i can get Eugene, hell i could get 20 Eugene's.

But then i can always count on James. James wont ever let me down.James will always be there to fight my battles with me, James gets me.