My friend had baby gal!! Yes.. all the baby showering thingies paid off! (yeah, i know, i had nothing to do with the actual process but yay!!)

I be wondering if they wil name kiddie after me? Talk about being problematic!! :-)

Iz just excited on her behalf, is all.

In other (and more important news), im looking for these books:

“The Lexus and the Olive Tree” by Thomas Friedman (2000, Anchor Books)

“The World Is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-first Century” also by Thomas L. Friedman

SO if you could loan me, or tell me where to buy'em (and yes i have already Amazoned them, there's a time constraint), I would be grateful!!

QN: does Aristoc have an online catalog? and if not.. WHY NOT?

Thank YOU

Wasn't i there minding my own business this morning when my neighbor woke up with this urge to wake us up. EFFECTIVELY I might add.

So my friend says i shd come up with more creative titles for me posts... all iz saying, is, the spellings differ!!! ((sometimes)).. pay attn babe!

Yesterday, i went to national theater (yes, i know where it is) and i even wanted to go watch Duksey but somehow that did not work out. (for those of you, who do not know what national theatre is it is our equivalent of everything "theatre-tical". its olllllllllllllllllllllllllld and all of us had to perform there for school plays (depending on which primary school you went to) back in the day)... oooo those were the days!!

i just remembered something. One day(think i was abt 10) i'd gone to that place to watch a play (cant remember which) and the guy at the ticket collecting point done messed me up. The idea was for them to tear your ticket into two, keep one side and return the other.

Now, i think it didnt really matter which side got returned so i went on my merry way.

Yeah, u guessed it, the joke was on me.

I was happily chilling in my seat when i was booted. MBU i had a fake ticket. Apparently two of us had the same thingy and since the other peep had the "right" side, i was given floor duty.

I swear if i wasnt a good christian.......

Anyhu, back to my national theatre present day story. I went over and ended up attending Percussion Discussion Africa doing their thing. They are a Ugandan percusion band (yeah, not a really clever definition but what the heck :-) by the by, those are three different links, same story).

If you are into drums (engalabi and what not) , xylophones, saxophones, guitars, gourdy shapped thingies, with jumping about people, this is deeeeeeeefinatly place for u to go.

And im thinking, if you know some tourist, this too is an option for tuesday night, 8:00-9.30pm.

Lets see... highlights according to me...

*** they had these two guys perform towards the end of the show.. a fusion of percussion and rap. They were singing "Im on a mission, ready for revolution" ((oba when aint they?))

Rapped in French and Luganda. Not bad. Until we start talking about ghetto's ofcos.

Then the guy did the "koi koi" thing. Reminded me of story telling. Niiiiiiiiiice.

***** i keep telling y'al song writing isnt hard. These peeps (PDA) have a song called "Maria Zonalopa" which they wrote for some chick they landed on in Zanzibar (i think it was).

The gist of the song is (read chorus, which goes on for a relatively loooooooooong time) is
"Maria Zonalopa, Maria Zonalopa,Maria Zonalopa,Maria Zonalopa,Maria Zonalopa"

See? not hard!

In other news, i was asked if i was going to the brit. high commisioners place on thursday.
My answer "why?? what going down??"

Mbu cocktail.

Peeps have such faith in me. It was a one off!!

I was innocently driving me cousin to work (sunday morning) when this policeman decided to stop us.

Now, i saw guy flag us down and i thought, "yiii yiii! on sunday, nawe!!!"

fortunately for us, after listening to one to many peeps telling you "buckle up, its da law!" we were strapped in, so i knew guy wasnt going to grab us on that account. Then i also happened to be driving me mums car, chick is one of those law abiding citizens (also the car had just been to the garage so all its little chinks).

Here's an example, one saturday they were flagged down on Golf course road at that corner after the round about (the police is there Every SATURDAY so be ware: do not speed by or should you choose to, make sure your car moves fast!)

So they ask them why one of them wasnt strapped in (the usual "im sorry sir's" went down) then guy discovers that the 3rd party insurance thingy had expired. So, being Ugandan, he decides to negotiate a "one time payment" so she could be excused .

Unfortunately my mum is a firm believer in "Da LAw". so she fined herself (40k i think it is), paid her bill and got her insurance renewed. me... i'da prolly cried myself out of it :-) okay thats a lie, prolly wlda paid the guy... and above what he deserved.

SO anyhu back to my most recent escapade, guy walks around the car, takes a look at the insurance sticker and walks up to passenger window and asks for me permit. fortunately for me, i'd picked it up before i walked out of the house (but also have a copy of it in the car, so i was kinda sorted), he looooooooooks at the thingy (if you took got an id from MUK in like the last 5 years, the permit ones are oba an upgrade? they are naaaaaaasty).

He then proceeds to walk round the car again and comes back to ask if i had another sticker. I'm like "it should be the one you just looked at".

Now sincerly after they scrapped road liscence, wat OTHER sticker would i have???

My cousin concluded that he was seeeeeeeeeeeriously looking for a way to get paid. Got me permit and we went on our merry way... phew!

*******************
in other news i went to the queen's birthday celebration thingy at the high commisioners house. Now dont be slow and be asking what queen? i doubt the Nabagereka (Buganda Queen) has a high commissioner.

I had this conversation with a friend when i said
T: I am going to the queens birthday
G: Really? why is she having a party???

Yeah, do not be that SLOW!

It was really swanky but unbelievably boring and then it hit me why Ugandans never have fun at these things.
Correction: it was made clear to me why they never have fun at these things.

This was the complaint: The brits be stingy!!! they gave us weird looking tea on arrival (i liked it by the way, cold tea with oregano, cucumber and lemon), cheese( like 8 different kinds) and crackers (home made, no way u can forrrrrrge that quality), and snacks in little paper cones. Each thingy held two fries (chips) and two chicken fingers (which didnt really taste chickeny apparently).

looooooooooooots to drink though.

Things of note:
****the cheese and british regalia was flown in by DHL... so they got a BIG thanks. (wat happened to matooke? its home grown!)

*** First party i been to in a looooooooooong time that the cars outside actually matched the peeps in attendance. Usually there are waaaaaaaay more people than cars. This time they kinda matched up.

**** The british high commissioner is retiring so this was his almost last speech n presentation while in office.

*** saw the guy who gives u UK visa. SInce i have no plans of going, cldnt go up to him and ask for auto(graph)

*** the state minister of finance and development something is a veeeeeeeeeeeeeeryyy chatty guy. he and the wife... wanted to jazz all evening, as if we didnt have other plot. Left a friend talking to him, she rebuked me for jumping ship the next day.. clda ya blame me?

****peeps still stand according to race. all the light skinned peeps were on one platform. The ugandans huddled on another (not talking to each other) but still together.

thot that was interesting.

so, wat u up to?

"It’s my house and I live here…"

This is the opening line to Diana Ross’s “It’s my house”. Now honestly, I know we are told these were the days of pure unadulterated music genius but lets be honest for a minute.

“It’s my house and I live here”... Yeah, who else would?

I think this is what my communications lecturer was laboring to teach me when he spoke of rhetoric, those statements/questions that do not really need answer to. Actually this same lecturer, had he had access to this lyric, would probably have deleted the said line, he was a strong believer in Keeping It Short and Simple (KISS).

Upon further reflection, I think I should award my senior three (s.3) English teacher, Mrs. Kiwanuka kudos for teaching me about rhetoric. And yes, before you do the math, it took me all of 14 years to stumble across the said word. It fascinated me no end, especially because I did not know any one who actually used it in a sentence.

As in actually said things like “That was a rhetorical statement.” I guess we were all expected to know and understand what it was, without actually attaching a word to explain the situation, so to speak.

 

In fact, it was not until I got to university that I chanced upon a certain breed of scholars who took immense pride in using words like “rhetoric’. No, that’s not entirely true, I met people who said that group of the people used rhetoric like us mortals use “I”. The said breed were lawyers.

I had always viewed this breed as somewhat overbearing, verbose and generally unpleasant to be around but envied them because, if television is to be believed, they made loads of money and got to speak to many people at once. I always thought that would be a starting point in taking over government some day, having a platform to defend idealist ideas that would one day impact society and change lives for the better.

Those were the days of young impressionist dreams, I soon woke to the fact that life does not work like that, decisions do not get made by talking to a room full of people who have no choice but listen to you drone on and on about issues that are not really pertinent to them as the collective.

In a side note, not all lawyers know that many words and actually most can compete with you (with you being  the winner) in using common English terms or what some authors refer to as “is and was” English.

Let’s back track a bit, I was actually going on about how musicians bore us by using up “quality” time by wasting beats on sentences that should not be included in the song to begin with or are just over repeated that you wonder what the initial point of the song was.

Here is a prime example.

“Around the word” Daft Punk.

This three word song made it to all the serious play lists when it was released. The guy sang (or rather replayed these three words) over and I think the song lasted more than 4 minutes.

I keep telling people I am going to write a song. Clearly it isn’t that hard to do! In fact I feel some words coming together now. Let’s see what I got.

I tell you my story ba guy! Check it!

Wasn’t I there chilling minding my own business when I realized ((realized realized) that

It’s so hot and dusty (dusty yeah).

Food on the low, fuel on the high and budget has holes (holes yeah)

When will I get my bit (bit yeah! Yeah… yeah!)

Heaven I need a hug (that one I stole)

Needs someone to explain to a poor African why?

 

Bridge

Why oooo why? Why don’t people understand that the zebra crossing (zebra) aint where they supposed to be no more?

That jams can be caused by “idols” who cannot sing and Africans who cannot drive when it has rained?

Why ooo why (yeah why?)

 

The other day, I tell u (tell us, tell us)

It hit me that tear gas isn’t such a bad thing (bad thing)

You see the police use it on everyone, including irate Mp’s

No one is safe my friends! So…

 

Why ooo why? Doesn’t anyone tell me before I walk into gas?

Why oooo why don’t they use laughing gas instead?

I mean cant we all just have fun?

 

See, international stardom here I come!!

Here i conclude. Yes.

So there i was wondering what i was going to do with my evening when it hit me! Okay, technically my cousin sms'd to ask what i was up to ( as if she did not know I was sitting in my room! kyoka some people).

But then again, perhaps I am viewed as the epitome of Kewlness and all things hip which is why I get those questions about what is happening in Kampala. That and the fact that i usually be reading entertainment sections (yeah, i have this hope that something interesting MIGHT actually happen).

So anyhu, i tell her i was considering heading over to cheese bar for movie night and she agrees to walk over with me. We organize our walking shoes and gaily take a stroll.

About 15 minutes into our stroll and countless stories later, it hits me that we are absolute idiots. Okay, absolute is abit too strong, but slow we were.

It being a TUESDAY, there were no movies at cheese night. (yeah, heroes day done messed us up) but not to worry, Cousin had the hook up. Apparently tis movie night at club Cascades, so 20 minutes and one jam later, there we were.

Guess what was showing... No, not that Samantha one (read sex in the city)... Indiana Jones and the manya crystal skull thingy. YES! And all for less than 11k!

And guess what? Popcorn is on the house!!!!! Yes, in case you did not know this, I am in love with the thingies... and the freerer the better!

Unfortunately (yes i will be killed for this), Indiana jones was not that impressive. I had been warned to go in with no expectations, which is what i did, but man! about 20 minutes into the movie i was itching to log onto fring but i hads to show some respect for the freebies.

It finally picked up when i recieved me popcorn :-) (trade secret: if you want me to sit through whatever torture you have lined up, give me popcorn) but on a more serious note, it picked up towards the end (tis one of those movies that picks up after an hour, according to me)...

You may now crucify me, but i have said my piece. TAKE THAT!

this morning as i was drawing the curtains i remembered the time a friend and i were almost nabbed for shop lifting.

In the background R. Kelly is singing "come on and braid my hair" (I wish-R kelly) and I wonder how someone slips lines such as these into serious sounding songs.

I'm guessing our equivalent would be "come we play omweso" (I have not worked out how it would fit in that particular melody, but I am working on it!!))

I'm guessing also that the braiding hair thing was used because of the "cultural significance" it holds. I can only conclude (after zillions of hours spent consuming American inspired television) that this process of "braiding hair" (read plaiting biswahilli) is actually cool.

I beg to differ. From personal experience, I know it is not a fun bonding moment. Its painful and for a few days, your head looks really creepy. In addition, if your head happens to be Anti biswahilli (read not perfectly shaped), your hair dresser (hair designer expert person) will mess you up with their own design of grandeur that leaves you looking less than pristine.

It is times like those when repeatedly saying things like "since i do not have to see myself, its other people who suffer" become your mantra, a little chant you say before you leave your house.

But back to my "Omweso" (its an ancient mancala game played in Uganda. find out more here). I'm thinking maybe it will not sell as much because it is not measuring up to the required "hair braiding thing". What would our equivalent then be?

I keep listening to Ugandans sing about growing up in the ghetto and the projects. I smile to myself because it is at moments like that that I realise that i am not in touch with my hoodies! (no, not the jumper/sweater concoctions-i think hoodies is a variation of homies which came from home boy's which i think came from kids off the block :-) ))

Please note: key word "think". I'm sorry, i cannot be bothered to google origins at the moment.

So anyhu, i do not get why we all want to add such lingo to our songs. It sells in the States and where ever because they are talking about their lives.

Here you have people talking about "keeping it real, and growing up in the ghetto's and runnin game with'em gangs and me mumz hangin at the corner praying i'd make it back each day.. gang violence and drive by's being all they iz" most of these "real artists" prolly never even done these things.

There are those who LOOK like they might have, I wont name names but they usually spot dreadlocks, heavy ganja inspired motifs, weird dem accents, grovel sounding voices and spot a "na byn na jamaica, ba i spik dem ire, jah bless" attitude.

what about being original? But wait, will that actually sell my music here? Every wanna be wants to go to the US of A by association through my song. SO i gots to rock the dollar bills side of the scope, sucks like a problem but hey...

we are in music for the money, not to change the world with the words of wisdom we pass on, right?

Coming up short .......... Aptly stolen...

Have you ever noticed that right before you get rejected by somebody (coz really, things cant reject you.. well.. if you dont count that chair that breaks down on account of its not expecting such an enthusiastic embrace by certain body parts), you get smaller envelopes?

yeah, im sure you have no idea what im going on about. Well niether do i but.. im hoping by the time I'm done, it will make some sence.

In addition to running low on blog mogo, i have just concluded, no reconfirmed that i must have some of the slowest friends on plannet earth. Yes, i know... i say this atleast once every two months but sometimes they reach me here!! (there's a direct translation in there somewhere)

Now, anyone within 5 minutes of me has heard me go on about my friends baby shower (yes, two months later, we are still "discussing") and most of the time i end up leaving a "brb" hanging on my IM window because i just cannot stand these conversations any more.

I cannot STAND them! i just cannot BEAR them! i leave feeling ill... ill in a "imma-puke-all-over--you kinda way.... my brain is tired and my body just rejects everything. Thats the level of "disturbment" these conversations wreck.

so my brilliant friend M, decides today that she thinks this whole chain email thingy isnt working. im like "really??? babes, i noticed that like at the start! if it has taken you TWO MONTHS to figure that out....."

And then she has the nerve to gigle. WHATS WITH GIGGLING? i mean really.. that wasnt a giggle moment! infact, nothing calls for a gigling moment!

The discussion became so bad that the mother to be has decided that she has to take control of the matter. We give her dimes, she cooks simple.

I feel bad abt that, its her day and what not. SO she should be sitting somewhere, legs up.. but no..we all be too lazy to say "no, u chill.. we will work this out"

Nkoye! if it wasnt for the fact that they want money from me, i would not turn up.

Innnnnnnnnnnnfact, all they want from me is money. So i dont know why i cant drop by the house, drop the dimes n not turn up to the doo.

In other somewhat related news, i got invited to a girly night out. I think i got the invite coz i happened to be on a chain email list. I thought it would not be a bad idea but now with the above (baby shower madness) happening, i am not moving an inch for anyone.

yesterday i had a meet with some old uni mates and what not. Started late in true African fashion and as i already had an appointment, i did the " i have to run thingy" thing.

The weird thing was that at that particular meet i felt like i was weeeeeeeirding everyone else out.

You know that feeling like everyone is tiptoeing around you, like u r the "not-fit-in-kid" so everyone is tryna find something to talk to you about? It doesnt matter that you spent three years together at UNi, u just sort of never clicked then and sure as heck aint clicking now.

So even if i did not have an appointment, i would have probably forged some reason to bounce... yeah, im considerate like that.

Prolly the reason i dont get invited to pish poshy do's! I mean, come on! even chamileon gets in! ooo wait.. thats coz he's supposedly a popular muscician... i forget.

But i gots people skills!!! that has to count...

well maybe not.

I went to this BBQ one time (mbu i needed to do my part in building my friend base) so i decided to go. I just wanted to get out of the house that day, so i guess that was more the seal factor more than anything else.

SO we gets there.. interesting music.. more silence than not. All the peeps were way younger than me (wail waiiiiiiiil) okay.. most a year younger, still counts according to me and after a while i realised that my employee status worked against me.. well that, in addition to other things.

If i had been a tall,gangly acholi or plumpish button nosed muhima, then maybe i would have had higher chances of being a hit.

SO i stand around n i realise that i dont work for PWC (PriceWaterhouse Coopers) or E&Y (Ernst and Young), or NSSF (National Socail Security Fund) or URA (Uganda Revenue Authority)... yeah, its amazing how you do not REALIZE that about yourself until every one starts talking shop.

And YOU know that you could actually direct conversation but are not interested in doing so....

yes, this is what us wall flowers like to think :-)

i thinks this is the point were i turn inward, to reflect on the nothingness within.

Before that.. i just read the funniest thing this morning. Well in addition to reading a story about how Ugandan children work on rock piles and earn 100 shs. per bucket and how (according to story) the Ugandan government is not doing anything to solve the problem. No matter how much talking is done, their situation remains unchanged. read full story here.

The funny thing i read involves some Japanese guy who found some chick living in his closet. Apparently he kept wondering why his food kept disappearing so he set up some surviallance and watched as someone walked around his home and made themselves comfortable.

The sad part is she didnt have a place to stay and had been living in his house for close to a year (not all at one time, mind). The police suspect she had been "house hoping". in some weird way that made me think of "bar hoping" and the excitement with which some people approach it.

The weird part: imagine someone knowing every intimate detail about you like alllllllllllll the time and you do not even know they are watching you. Kinda like big brother without you having to 'fake" any responses :-)

My Qn: would you tell your love that he/she is not a good kisser?