"It’s my house and I live here…"

This is the opening line to Diana Ross’s “It’s my house”. Now honestly, I know we are told these were the days of pure unadulterated music genius but lets be honest for a minute.

“It’s my house and I live here”... Yeah, who else would?

I think this is what my communications lecturer was laboring to teach me when he spoke of rhetoric, those statements/questions that do not really need answer to. Actually this same lecturer, had he had access to this lyric, would probably have deleted the said line, he was a strong believer in Keeping It Short and Simple (KISS).

Upon further reflection, I think I should award my senior three (s.3) English teacher, Mrs. Kiwanuka kudos for teaching me about rhetoric. And yes, before you do the math, it took me all of 14 years to stumble across the said word. It fascinated me no end, especially because I did not know any one who actually used it in a sentence.

As in actually said things like “That was a rhetorical statement.” I guess we were all expected to know and understand what it was, without actually attaching a word to explain the situation, so to speak.

 

In fact, it was not until I got to university that I chanced upon a certain breed of scholars who took immense pride in using words like “rhetoric’. No, that’s not entirely true, I met people who said that group of the people used rhetoric like us mortals use “I”. The said breed were lawyers.

I had always viewed this breed as somewhat overbearing, verbose and generally unpleasant to be around but envied them because, if television is to be believed, they made loads of money and got to speak to many people at once. I always thought that would be a starting point in taking over government some day, having a platform to defend idealist ideas that would one day impact society and change lives for the better.

Those were the days of young impressionist dreams, I soon woke to the fact that life does not work like that, decisions do not get made by talking to a room full of people who have no choice but listen to you drone on and on about issues that are not really pertinent to them as the collective.

In a side note, not all lawyers know that many words and actually most can compete with you (with you being  the winner) in using common English terms or what some authors refer to as “is and was” English.

Let’s back track a bit, I was actually going on about how musicians bore us by using up “quality” time by wasting beats on sentences that should not be included in the song to begin with or are just over repeated that you wonder what the initial point of the song was.

Here is a prime example.

“Around the word” Daft Punk.

This three word song made it to all the serious play lists when it was released. The guy sang (or rather replayed these three words) over and I think the song lasted more than 4 minutes.

I keep telling people I am going to write a song. Clearly it isn’t that hard to do! In fact I feel some words coming together now. Let’s see what I got.

I tell you my story ba guy! Check it!

Wasn’t I there chilling minding my own business when I realized ((realized realized) that

It’s so hot and dusty (dusty yeah).

Food on the low, fuel on the high and budget has holes (holes yeah)

When will I get my bit (bit yeah! Yeah… yeah!)

Heaven I need a hug (that one I stole)

Needs someone to explain to a poor African why?

 

Bridge

Why oooo why? Why don’t people understand that the zebra crossing (zebra) aint where they supposed to be no more?

That jams can be caused by “idols” who cannot sing and Africans who cannot drive when it has rained?

Why ooo why (yeah why?)

 

The other day, I tell u (tell us, tell us)

It hit me that tear gas isn’t such a bad thing (bad thing)

You see the police use it on everyone, including irate Mp’s

No one is safe my friends! So…

 

Why ooo why? Doesn’t anyone tell me before I walk into gas?

Why oooo why don’t they use laughing gas instead?

I mean cant we all just have fun?

 

See, international stardom here I come!!