I am a 45 year old woman. I am happily married and have four children. Considering what i have gone through recently, some would think me a bitter old woman, but not me. Im still deciding what i should be, how i should react.

My family has turned me out, noo..not my present family..my parents and my siblings. Apparently im not needed anymore. Actually thats not true, im needed but only for the financial backing i bring, otherwise im married and therefore i have nothing to say in regard to what happens.

Thats okay, they are entitled to their own ideas.What interests me is how short sighted these family members of mine can be.

Today, im being chased away from home because i no longer belong. Tomorrow i shall be the one being called on to provide for them and their children. Isnt it enough that i have supported them for well over 15 years? Isnt it enough that some how they have to rely on me and we all know this?

No, apparently it is not. I am the bread winner and yet they rob me of all my possessions, my part of the land, my part of the business..these people i call my family.

I am afraid for my children.They wont ever see this side of the family as their own. I have tried to hide the tension from them but they see all to clearly how my family is a "bunch of users".

With each day, i decide that maybe they are right. Maybe i do not belong here anymore. Maybe its time to stop trying to fix things, to "save" people who dont want to be saved but they are my blood and thats why this arguement is fruitless. No matter how much they hurt me, they are part of who i am. I am what i am today because of them...or so i used to think.

I am not bitter.. i am not angry. Im just disappointed.