You met Jordan through one of your friends. You wondered why Prissy had never said he was such a niiice boi, u catch his eye once or twice and you wonder why he is looking at you a tad too intensely. You worry that you got spinach on your otherwise pearly whites or maybe your hair is standing (it tends to do that all by itself) or maybe you aint laughing right. (you remember some movie where a lady was killed because she had an unappealing laugh and you shudder a bit).
You leave the party and end up exchanging numbers with Jordan, general hap style. You think nuthing about it, he's prolly crushing on your sweet friend Prissy and out of courtesy took yours.
He texts, calls you up and you think "fun, fun" and within 4 weeks you have moved from just friends to inseparable. He tells the most interesting stories, has the insight to make sound business decisions,is sensitive when you need him to be and he seems to get on with most people. Jordan is it.
Then comes the tricky part. You find out he is catholic which in itself is not a bad thing. If you came from a different religious background, maybe it would work, but you do not and it would never work.
You try to explain it to Jordan.You were brought up not be "equaly yoked with a non believer", everyone expects you to end up with a saved person..a christian..someone who is "Christ like" in their values, beliefs and orientations. Catholics are a bit more liberal in "indulging in the ways of the world", they can drink, smoke, prolly have sex outside the marriage bed, have civil marriages, pray through Mary, go to confession and generally make merry.
You cannot. You believe in finding the right person to get married to and thus you believe in courtship not just dating (yes, there's a difference). You believe in abstinance, faithfullness, undefilement of your body,tiething,marriage before God and man. You want your children to believe and understand the same values, you have seen soo many "lost" people in the world.
You want to flaunt these beliefs in the name of love but you cant let go of things u have learnt right from the craddle, especially when your family is always checking up on your spiritual growth, you attend cell and fellowship faithfully and the pastor knows you by name.
Its not easy to let go of things you believe in and you also know those basic differences between you and jordan would limit your relationship.
On the one hand, there's the love and on the other hand, there's the religion and belief system. Watado?
You leave the party and end up exchanging numbers with Jordan, general hap style. You think nuthing about it, he's prolly crushing on your sweet friend Prissy and out of courtesy took yours.
He texts, calls you up and you think "fun, fun" and within 4 weeks you have moved from just friends to inseparable. He tells the most interesting stories, has the insight to make sound business decisions,is sensitive when you need him to be and he seems to get on with most people. Jordan is it.
Then comes the tricky part. You find out he is catholic which in itself is not a bad thing. If you came from a different religious background, maybe it would work, but you do not and it would never work.
You try to explain it to Jordan.You were brought up not be "equaly yoked with a non believer", everyone expects you to end up with a saved person..a christian..someone who is "Christ like" in their values, beliefs and orientations. Catholics are a bit more liberal in "indulging in the ways of the world", they can drink, smoke, prolly have sex outside the marriage bed, have civil marriages, pray through Mary, go to confession and generally make merry.
You cannot. You believe in finding the right person to get married to and thus you believe in courtship not just dating (yes, there's a difference). You believe in abstinance, faithfullness, undefilement of your body,tiething,marriage before God and man. You want your children to believe and understand the same values, you have seen soo many "lost" people in the world.
You want to flaunt these beliefs in the name of love but you cant let go of things u have learnt right from the craddle, especially when your family is always checking up on your spiritual growth, you attend cell and fellowship faithfully and the pastor knows you by name.
Its not easy to let go of things you believe in and you also know those basic differences between you and jordan would limit your relationship.
On the one hand, there's the love and on the other hand, there's the religion and belief system. Watado?
i lost some one realy special coz o that religion bullshit.now my faith is f@%$&^ too.
you might never mate with someone as good as jordan,...ever again. (is it meet,come across,mate?? pliz correct me)
secondies!!
and where is everybody?
maynot meet someone like him but it is worth it to go down some road u aint sure about especially when the odds arent in your favour?
I was talking with my fellow savedee friend during the CHOGM week and we agreed that we had got the wrong advice from the church about the kind of man we should marry. That kind of man with a Christ like character does not exist. Only Christ had these qualities and he was a confirmed bachelor.
Secondly, we agreed that we wasted our youth chucking good guys like Jordan simply because they were Catholic or because they listened to secular music even though they claimed to be saved.
We met the so called ‘Christ like’ men but they turned out to be worse than the good Catholic or secular music listening men.
We both concluded that as long as the man is good and can come to church, we shall end up with those ones. But alas! The men are now looking at campus beauties. Our beauty has faded so we have opted to adopt children as we pray and hope for a husband.
eh... tight! but i so understand.
samantha, not all of them look at only the campus girls. some are mature enough to appreciate that its not all about beauty. besides, one man's meat...
Sam, u got the wrong advice? LOL
the thing abt jesus being a confirmed bachealor is true!
i agree with the thing of the "christ like" men turning out worse..
BUT the tricky part comes in when you are defining good man who comes to church because the decisions you will ultimately make later on will be as a result of your perceptions, which are routed in toootally different religious basing.
For example, if you have kids, you might think its obvious that they will go to church, kids cell and all that, He on the other hand doesnt want his kids to be involved in church. What do u do?
syb... were u recently rejected :D or is it something to do with u thinking u got beauty and brains??
there's the age factor as well.......hello!!
I guess my worldview has changed about Christian guys all the more because of my sister’s experience.
My sister used to be born again then she back slid in College. As soon as she finished College she got married to a wonderful young man except he was a Muslim although not practicing. This she did without my parent’s approval but the young man turned out great. He is the type who can cook for us as I chat with my Sis. He got along very well with our Dad. He was there in the labor ward with her for both her kids. He definitely had his faults and indeed at one time my Sis almost separated from her husband. By this time my sister had recommitted her life to Christ and was a prayer warrior. However, her children could not go to church because they were Moslems although they bore neutral names that can be shared by Christians.
Early this year, (after about 8 years of marriage), my sister’s husband got saved and their marriage stabilized. The whole family goes to church; they have started a school together and seem to be happy.
I am not saying that I am going to do the same thing she did. I am just saying that I think sometimes we take things too far in the name of being saved.
Wama Senga Sama bagambeee!!!!!!
Sam.. i soo agree with your last paragraph.
Joshi..LOL
Interesting blog you got going! Will visit again.
But to comment on the whole saved brother thing. I am recently married and while I wouldn't categorize my husband as "saved" I did find him in the church. The thing is that I wasn't looking for a "saved" brother. I was looking for someone from my culture who had the same beliefs about children, family, culture and God.
Why look for the divinity in humanity?
We both go to church and are from the same kind of background but in the end what sealed it was our joint beliefs and values...
Campus girls? What kind of grown man (30) looks for girls that are in thier early 20s.
interesting...
Interesting discussion goin on here. I wonder where I'll get a wife being a non-believer. I'm strongly agnostic but for sure someone has got to understand me.
I really enjoyed the topic and the discussion it has triggered. Thanks Samantha for bringing me here. My comments in the topic are on [http://datransition.blogspot.com/2007/12/love-religion-and-relationships.html]
I did this to avoid over congesting the comment page.
Cheers
http://datransition.blogspot.com
/2007/12/love-religion-
and-relationships.html
Ok Tandra...
These words were definitely not born outta a simple conversation...
Bet you there's a few more comments coming right up...
Sam's doing her thing finally...
Unloading..., or should i say downloading
[My Take]
does it really matter anyways... i thought that it's just you and me...
the rest comes laters on, and as long as the feeling run really deep, you as one can deal with whatever..
Savedee brothers are, hmmn....
a wierd and confused bunch..
Tho' not all, justa few i know...
Thanks for posting this Tandra...
[Impressed]
We have just been taught and have just seen a tad too much to be objective in our searches for "the one".
Bottom line you are loooking for someone who "gets u" enough for u to build a life together.