I know size can be daunting but don’t worry, I love you.
Penguin-Happy Feet (cartoon)

The debate about someone’s height in a relationship has always gone on. It probably will till go on till the end of time. I have many people to blame for this debate. Let me list the people I think ought to be strung out for making height such an issue.

Older children. When I was much younger and much shorter and in elementary school, our school canteens were fashioned for the taller kids. I’m guessing the idea was to make it as hard as possible for children with sticky fingers to get away with swiping the samosa’s (beef and rice) , meat pies and bean pies (yes, we had bean pies, don’t know who came up with this idea, but apparently they sold like hot potatoes).

Some of these clearly ingenuous children decided that they would help you (short peep) out by ordering whatever you wanted for you. Such helpers these children were.

The problem was that after a while you would notice that your long awaited for bean pie was not making an appearance and you had actually lost sight of the helpful Samaritan. Given that we were over 2800 kids, I always wondered how anyone would be so trusting when you did not have a hope in hell of finding your Samaritan.

I think I ought to point out that I was never a victim; even then I could spot a line.

Biology teachers. Now, I was never one for sciences but I did pay attention that one biology lecture when some person I can’t remember labored to explain X n Y chromosomes and manya things that determined your hieght ratio, so to speak. I remember thinking at the time “Now how did math enter biology?”

I labored to understand the concept until I finally picked up on the whole probability of having short children because I happened to hook up with a guy who has some repressed short gene along the way with decides to hook up with a very dominant short gene at mine.

Genes. Yes, God’s way of putting us together. This detail that determines that some people can be tall and light like you or short and dark or whatever.

Friends. Ever notice how your group of friends seems to balance out physically? You all cannot be tall and slim or tall and built or short and pudgy. There’s always the one extreme of all of you, the tall slim one, the short pudgy one, the light one, the dark one.

So really when you think about it, you would feel extremely weird for you to turn up with someone who is about your height and you happen to be the shortest in the group added to which, they make comments like “ hey shorties! What’s going on??” or “You guys look soooo cute together! Like kindergarten children holding hands!!”

And then, as if to emphasize your short stature, they form a sort of protective circle around you. You go places and then you realize that you are always in the middle of the circle or the middle of the line and you think “awww! That’s so sweet!”

But on some other level you are wondering why your height or lack there of is such a big deal. Why is it now that your love is about your height, suddenly everyone thinks you cannot take care of yourself?

Personal conviction. After years of letting height work for you or against you, you suddenly believe it is suddenly the thing that contributes to what decisions you take on in your life.

So you decide that you are going to be the coolest singer and stage presence person, regardless of your height or lack there of.

The problem with this personal conviction angle is well, it’s you making up your mind about number issues and there is only so much a person can do as a result.

So this is my most valuable tip ever ... Get over it!