You look so dumb right now… standing right there out side my house….
Take a bow- Rihana
This image resonates with me and no, not because I have stood outside millions of houses looking dumb. No, more so because I know so many people who should not only look dumb but should, hopefully, feel dump.
Case in point: There’s a woman in Mukono who paid a woman to kidnap a child so she could present the child as her own to save her affair.
Yes… AFFAIR.
First I thought maybe in some attempt to fill editorial space, the editor had somehow let this slightly sneaky word sneak in, but no, the woman was saving her affair. Let’s see if I can make this somewhat clearer.
Affair -matter: a vaguely specified concern; "several matters to attend to"; "it is none of your affair"; "things are going well"
Well technically, it is none of the world’s business if you decide to adopt a “come-we-sleep” attitude so this definition could work.
2 a usually secretive or illicit sexual relationship Aha!! This definition I am familiar with. There is still some big word in there that needs to be broken down some.
Illicit: Contrary to accepted, especially moral conventions…
Still not clear? Here’s another one: Prohibited by law: illegal, illegitimate, lawless, outlawed, unlawful, and wrongful. Of, involving, or being a crime:
There, think I have sufficiently done my share of nation building today.
The woman paid Ugs. 100,000 for this child by the way... toothless grin inclusive. Now, I begin to wonder what the going rate’s for kids are these days because I think they are becoming too readily available.
Let us assume, for the sake of argument that this lady got away with presenting this baby as her own. Let us assume, like any other baby, it will sleep a lot and err... have relatively lax control over its bodily functions and will also eat on the regular.
Once it gets over its initial wailing phase, it will determine a coded language of its own, which you will spend countless hours trying to decipher because as you are not the child’s mother, I gather this becomes harder than usual.
The child will grow up, eventually learn how to say “NO” to everything, throw tantrums want the latest banana fiber doll, play all the most disastrous games in the neighbor hood and generally be a child. It will grow up and eventually move on but not before you have spent oodles on food, education, health, clothing and general maintenance on this child who IS NOT yours.
And this paragon of a man who set you on this disastrous path... where is he? The wonderful thing about affairs is, if they do not gradually lead to marriage, is they are so convenient and realistically, which man would say no to the chance of having a “family” without having to commit legally?
There is no guarantee that he will be there when sharifa hurts her toes or runs off to play in mzee’s garden.
Incase you are wondering what happened or why she was driven to such lengths here is the rest of the story.
In order to keep “her” man, she told him she was pregnant. Nine months later, madam obviously does not have a bundle of joy (yes, I had questions at this point in the story like does this mean they had not been together during those nine months? How naïve would a man have to be to believe that the woman he is regularly with is carrying his child and not showing any outward signs of development? At worst, at least one of the following should change some- sleep patterns, eating patterns, food choices or even extreme mood swings..)
He chased the lady away from the house and ordered her to only come home with the child. (I’m assuming she wove some story about living the child at kaka’s (grandmother) house)).Desperately, she decides to save her marriage by acquiring the said baby by what ever means are available.
For 100,000 UGX, she will have a bundle and the love of her life. What a rush she must have been feeling! Unfortunately life did not work like that (probably thanks to the village snitch) and she and her accomplice were arrested, the baby returned to her family.
So what is she left with... jail time
I wonder if she is sorry she did what she did or is she sorry she got caught.
Take a bow- Rihana
This image resonates with me and no, not because I have stood outside millions of houses looking dumb. No, more so because I know so many people who should not only look dumb but should, hopefully, feel dump.
Case in point: There’s a woman in Mukono who paid a woman to kidnap a child so she could present the child as her own to save her affair.
Yes… AFFAIR.
First I thought maybe in some attempt to fill editorial space, the editor had somehow let this slightly sneaky word sneak in, but no, the woman was saving her affair. Let’s see if I can make this somewhat clearer.
Affair -matter: a vaguely specified concern; "several matters to attend to"; "it is none of your affair"; "things are going well"
Well technically, it is none of the world’s business if you decide to adopt a “come-we-sleep” attitude so this definition could work.
2 a usually secretive or illicit sexual relationship Aha!! This definition I am familiar with. There is still some big word in there that needs to be broken down some.
Illicit: Contrary to accepted, especially moral conventions…
Still not clear? Here’s another one: Prohibited by law: illegal, illegitimate, lawless, outlawed, unlawful, and wrongful. Of, involving, or being a crime:
There, think I have sufficiently done my share of nation building today.
The woman paid Ugs. 100,000 for this child by the way... toothless grin inclusive. Now, I begin to wonder what the going rate’s for kids are these days because I think they are becoming too readily available.
Let us assume, for the sake of argument that this lady got away with presenting this baby as her own. Let us assume, like any other baby, it will sleep a lot and err... have relatively lax control over its bodily functions and will also eat on the regular.
Once it gets over its initial wailing phase, it will determine a coded language of its own, which you will spend countless hours trying to decipher because as you are not the child’s mother, I gather this becomes harder than usual.
The child will grow up, eventually learn how to say “NO” to everything, throw tantrums want the latest banana fiber doll, play all the most disastrous games in the neighbor hood and generally be a child. It will grow up and eventually move on but not before you have spent oodles on food, education, health, clothing and general maintenance on this child who IS NOT yours.
And this paragon of a man who set you on this disastrous path... where is he? The wonderful thing about affairs is, if they do not gradually lead to marriage, is they are so convenient and realistically, which man would say no to the chance of having a “family” without having to commit legally?
There is no guarantee that he will be there when sharifa hurts her toes or runs off to play in mzee’s garden.
Incase you are wondering what happened or why she was driven to such lengths here is the rest of the story.
In order to keep “her” man, she told him she was pregnant. Nine months later, madam obviously does not have a bundle of joy (yes, I had questions at this point in the story like does this mean they had not been together during those nine months? How naïve would a man have to be to believe that the woman he is regularly with is carrying his child and not showing any outward signs of development? At worst, at least one of the following should change some- sleep patterns, eating patterns, food choices or even extreme mood swings..)
He chased the lady away from the house and ordered her to only come home with the child. (I’m assuming she wove some story about living the child at kaka’s (grandmother) house)).Desperately, she decides to save her marriage by acquiring the said baby by what ever means are available.
For 100,000 UGX, she will have a bundle and the love of her life. What a rush she must have been feeling! Unfortunately life did not work like that (probably thanks to the village snitch) and she and her accomplice were arrested, the baby returned to her family.
So what is she left with... jail time
I wonder if she is sorry she did what she did or is she sorry she got caught.
Eeeh wama you have really explained the Affair thing... 100k? this is crazy
Eh! For the love of...a man?
That is just utterly wack!
by the way, this is such a common problem in UG. my mother has to find foster homes for abandoned babies alot of the time so she gets so many women coming to her asking for babies. they fake pregnancies and come pleading for babies to go show as their own so the men will kwanjula them or marry them. with no shame! some have even cried in her office calling her "mukazimunange" who should understand the plight of a childless woman. ofcourse she never gives them the children and sometimes they get hostile but doesn't stop them coming to her to beg. i am not surprised babies are now for sale. sad.
naye 100k? sha! does that even cover antenatal care?
Strange and sad!
I agree with with Peace.
finally i can comment! i have missed out on so many firsties!
what was going to say? banange have forgotten
yes, have now remembered...
thanks for the detailed definition of an affair... chicks do crazy things for men, its so sad.
she's definately sorry that she got caught.
this is a very well written piece Tandy. you can sell them huh? hmmmm...
an affair= something that has elluded me
a relationship= me dreaming really really large
nice post. thanks.