Because stupid blogger keeps giving me a code when i want to change my template and because my blog now has irritating things like "Published by Tandra under on Wednesday, October 08, 2008 "that the rogueking finds amusing that annoy me no end... I am temporarily moving here.

If the powers that be (evil support at google) fix the stupid bug, i Might be back but at this rate... I am not tooooooo sure.

wasnt i there and i had to do a presentation? ((reminds self to get over such phrases.. i think "wasnt i there" is no "on market"))

Anyway, I had to do something today and i learnt something about myself and yes skunk, you were right. I will talk about that more some day when I can deal with the reality that failure is.

Moving on: i am unaccountedly sleepy at very odd hours. I can understand that desire to find a tree at the constitutional square (or is it called CHOGM gardens these days?) and catch a wink but this is becoming loony! And the worst part of it is i feel like i am about to be called on it.

I wonder what happened to the whole "see but dont say anything" thing. I seem to remember sending out that particular memo....

I have thus decided to change my sleep patterns. Yes!!!!!!!!

Sleep is exciting and you can never have enough of it. NAY you say?

I totally agree...

Okay, im done time killing... i shall write more coherent stuff soon.

Sorry i chewed into valuable moments of your day.

remember... live each day (well minute) like its your last!

I wanted to write something inspiring.... I wanted to write some thing mind blowing... obviously that isnt going to happen today, so i present... RANDOMSIES! YAY!

1. I know this person who gets on my nerves quite a lot. They are "good people" but sometimes (read most of the time) they do not know when to quit.. always telling you what you should do, what you should wear, how much you should pay for something or even what you should be doing with your life.

Makes you wonder how this person became YOU and thus knows whats good or not good for YOU.

Enewe, as i was contemplating the unfairness of life as it seemed, i remembered this.

When we were in high school and someone was visiting your room and generally doing the empty tin analogy proud, we would say "Touch your bed".

i'm about to tell this person to "touch their body!"

2. And then someone said something to me and this word sprung forth from whatever corner it had been hiding... "Bleak!" or "blick" or "blique" meaning Nada.. ZERO or i dont know or something of the sorts.

Yikes.. when was the last time i used that?

Just know i felt a sense of accomplishment.

3. So there's this really boring meeting i had to sit through ( i will never understand why boring meetings are long!). Ate they dont even provide those nice parliamentary chairs in which the MP's are always dozing, these ones have no arm rests.. u cannot successfully sleep and balance yourself at the same time (trust me, i know this to be true).

When the break came, i power napped. I didnt have any choice. I admit it! Instead of maybe hunting down a samosa or chapati.. i napped and it felt great!!!!

Until the meeting started again......

4. Have you ever dailed a number looking for money and then you are informed that the peep is dead? No.. that has never happened to you?? sure???

Lets just say you are most fortunate.

If i can rate my more akward moments of the year, this would rank really high up the list.

5. So i was tapping Kabozi and this girl was complaining coz her ex-friend hooked up with her ex-boyfriend and she was ticked off at her ex-friend for betraying her like that and her ex for just running off with this other girl.

Please note: she is still tight with the ex and they have a bit of chemistry still going.

But this was where i decided girls can be silly or is it that humans can be selfish and self-centred.
Turns out, a while back she (the complainer) had hooked up with her then-friend's ex boyfriend.

What goes around comes around... 4 sho!

You know blogging has gone too far when you are writing down "research" and you start referring exactly how you would link in your posts. Trust me... tis a world altering experience when people do not understand what you are going on about... kinda like you expected them to use their fingers on the papers and it would automatically link to whatever online source you are quoting.

If you do not understand any of what I am saying, I am glad to report that you are not in the portion of bloggers affected by over blogging. That is a very good thing... you are still "normal".

I just walked for an hour..... dont ask but i think these Wazungu activities are going to my head. I am absolutely taking leave from this "exercise" crap... tisnt good on my relatively endowed body, thats all I'm saying!

In other news, No- there will not be any Tandralets coming along... no will there be any world overthrowing endevours (although I think I am steadily working towards that end), there will be no robbing banks.....

I have however fallen out of the little love I was in. Tis sad but I guess I had to grow up when dude wasnt on my plot..but that too is okay, I mean... there's only so much of my fabulousness to go around.. must be stingy about it and what not.

No, dont look at me that way. Im really fine... twas "a little"... some how conviniently everyone skap over this, no idea why.

So im back on the market, so to speak... so err...prepare to wow me.

I did see a cutie today... OMG! Such a cute guy! But then I could not help but think... is this guy really cute or is it because he fits the stereotype?

And i can not believe it!

Sorry for my other friends.. in English speak that means " I am going to die!"

So the other day, i decided to go to a Yoga class. (No, i didnt have to pay) well.. maybe i did, come to think of it... but anyway.. i was curious as to know what those positions were... manya cactus, manya dog, manya child, manya whatever

So there i am... i pull out my snazzy shorts... I know its supposed to be sweat pants from the various adverts i have seen but i figured thats what they were... Adverts. WEYA!

then in addition to my snazzy shorts, i had my snazzy sneakers and very white socks.. MBU showing i was clean. again... WEYA!

I had to bear my badly in need of a pedicure toes to the world... twas horrifying!!

So anyway... i stood out like a sore thumb... but i said... "I shall not let Africans every where down! Imma do this like im doing this for TV"

The instructor sounds like one of those commercials of the sexy seductress chick... just know... in the ka session when they said "relax.. look within...." and then gave me like 5 minutes to do this... i went to sleep! Twas soooo comfy (by the by, this is frowned upon, just so u know)

After my Yoga session and feeling terribly sleepy i also decide to sign up for a spinning class... hence the "Ngenda ku ffa" statement.

Do not be fooled by this name... u do not stand about and twirl.

Instead u ride bikes (stationary ofcos) as u wld if you were out door... so u has the music, the climbs, the side way "spins".. the slows, the peaks... its fun...

When you aint the one doing it!!!

So there i was midway session and i was thinking of the easiest way to make it to the door without being seen. No such luck.....

I suffer through to the end so some chick (barbara) was giving me tips (coz i miserably failed).. so im like "well next time, i will do that" (((HECK NO! I NOT GOING BACK!))))

So then comes the clincher... i ask her how long she'd been spinning... MBU four years...

I hung my head and silently walked away.... to die... in peace... away from the pitying eyes... by myself...

Yes.. that there is an accurate phrase (those of u having grammar issues, deal!).....

Have you felt like just going out to listen to really LOUD music? like reeeeeeeeallly Loud music? That's exactly what i feel like now...

Now where to find that illusive friend list?

I mean, i can only dance by myself for so long... u know! Although usually that's a good idea! You dont have to worry about being akward and stepping on toes and not shaking your junk the right way!

O... peeps... when did dancing become so complicated? When did it become all about your dance style?

O yeah... abouts the time peeps decided white people couldn't jump or dance.

I sorry.. if u r with me, chances are u will experience some very "white dancing" going down... alternatively you will see my standard mode of operation. I can never decide which one suits me more.. :-) so organize a date... i show u mine, you show me urs

So i know what everyone says, that when it hits you... you go down like a ton of bricks. I didnt think so, i thought everyone was exergerating and just conversation filling. You know how Africans be, yammering on about nothing in particular to pass the time and hopefully show off our conversation skills (one's we practice with no shame, every chance we get to, by the way) and well some times, i guess it does pay off.

Back to the love thing.. so this guy is UBER kewl ate i didnt even have to stalk this time. ((dont be looking at me like that, y'al know im playing, right?.... right?????))

So lets see how did this happen....

first time we talked i thought he was incredibly cute! As in INCREDIBLY! in that "o-im- SOOOOO-going-to-be-your-friend" kind of way...

Ever met someone like that? No?? give it time... you got years yet... plus some nonsense about taking each day as it comes and what not...

As we kept talking I decided he must be a really nice person, which he is (big bonus being he seems comfortable with who he is and where he is going... SEEMS being the key word, you dont ever know coz quite frankly, it isnt your life).

Some how this post isnt going the way i was planning for it to go. At this point i was supposed to be a quivering mass of unrequited love and like, pulling at your heart strings as we enjoyed this really moving moment...

lets see what i can do about that...

Have you ever spent time with someone and you decide they are the best EVER? Yeah... i know.. i didnt think there could be another ME out there but apparently i was wrong :-)

Joking aside, he's the kind of person you probably have to beat another 100 to get to, so i not even going to sweat it. Im all for freedom of expression and whatever other crap's being peddled these days but lets be honest here, what are the chances?

Err... NIL

But i still maintain... im a little in love and it feels great!

So what does this paragon of society think of me... im sure you are curious to know. Im also wondering :-) I cant very much walk up to him and be like "dude what do you think".....

Here's what will go on .....

((low music playing in the background... sets the stage for the go down thingy))

T: U boy omanyi nti ngwagala?
S: Ate?
T: ye munange, the feelings have over powered me!
S: Really?
T: Yes, and you dont need to say anything. I know this is all so sudden but i am willing to do anything to make this work... I could move in with u...
S: err..
T: Hush there dear... fret not. I have everything worked out....
S: But...
T: no buts... i has this! Okay!

I had so much fun writing this, y'al have no idea.
O well.. thought i shd share something out of my mudane existance...hopefully it has made you think some, hopefully it has bored you some...

O well... SUCH IS LIFE!

So I was minding my business as per usual the other day talking to this guy who misses home more and more each day. Apparently there are things about being at your home that makes it worth while.


I am not disputing that. I would rather imply that some times not being at home gives you the variety you need and therefore makes your experiences worth while.


So this friend suddenly starts talking about “jumping” (its that thing where you take forced leave from your parents house or school or mental institution and hope to the good Lord you do not get caught. In retrospect, maybe the idea IS to get caught!) and how he would enjoy the treks through the plantations (he was in Mwiri apparently) to go see the city lights. He was really proud of the fact that he started going to the discotheque when he as in S.2.


Let me think back… what was I doing in S.2? What were YOU doing? Upon reflection maybe I should not tell you what I was doing. My estimation in your eyes might decline a great deal and we don’t want that to happen, do we?


His “plot” went on till he was in S.6 then he got to University and since he did not have to ask for per(mission) it was all good after that. The one thing though that he regrets was going to see a kimansulo show.

Kimansulo you say? Yes, kimansulo. (It’s that thing where supposedly pretty girls take off their clothes or something. Let me redefine, it’s a peak show. The thing is though, people are too high to even notice if the girls are pretty or even if they are girls to begin with.) This phenomenon (yes, I know big words), I thought, took over Kampala about 7 years ago. Apparently it has been around longer.


The saner of you must be wondering then, how I came to know of such rumpus activities. My answer, by the power vested in the Media. Yes… freedom of the press and what not.
The less believing ones in the crowd may now stop raising their eyebrows. In addition to that possibly giving you a head ache, it does nothing to make you cuter than you already are. So No, I have not been to a show before.


Although I have been to karaoke shows that would put the most “interekcho” of you to shame. So look me up some time when you are in the mood for some really funny stuff. You have no idea how many Beyonce’s and Shakira’s are in Kampala until you attend such festivities. I wonder why Ugandans don’t want to be like Joss stones or even at worst Mariah Carrey. I might have spoken too soon. It’s kind of like how when you go to Karaoke at a supposedly cool joint in Kampala, all the chicks stand up to sing Celine Dion and Whitney Houston (at this point I usually yawn a lot and make more serious plans to take over the world). The only uplifting point in the whole thing (a side from questionable drink mixes) is the moment when one of us remembers that the only actually fun song on the whole juke box is Gloria Gaynor’s “I will survive” thingy.


Must dash. Shall complete later.

I know i am coming late to the table but i do have some things to say.

Yes i am okay.... cldnt be better! infact i think tonight i will sleep like a baby....

Will i be more regular with the blogging, i will know in about a week.

Did i get dumped? No, i did not. I suspect i did the dumping though. Not sure how thats going.

Jaz had some really heated things to say so if you havent been (wonder HOW you havent), i give u link.

About the article in the Monitor, this is what i think.

As a gimic for creating traffic or interest in blogging, i think it did really well and the fact that I am even writing about it, says something. So thank you, Dennis.

About not being serious representations of blah blah blah, tis uwa opinion and you are entitled to whatever conversations happen in your head.

1. On the whole, the article came out biased (which is I guess what happens when you decide people are not worth your time) and well, there wasnt enough time for him to develop some of the ideas that went a long with his arguement.(I think im just saying that coz a lot more goes on than the little space the monitor allocates. This is why i have BLOG so i can say whatever and it doesnt get edited and can be PAGES long... YAY!)

Side bar: oo wow, i think i just came up with a great analogy.
Just because we all live in a garage, doesnt make us the same car. (been watching too many ads)

Just because i never say anything political doesnt mean i dont know whats going on.
Just because i prefer green to blue doesnt mean i dont know how many choices are out there.
Just because i dont come off as intellectual doesnt mean there are no lights on upstairs.

O and just because you dont think im kewl enough to be in a club, doesnt mean everyone else does.

2. In regard to the poor American who was let down by these upstanding-forward-thinking some-what-mislead ugandans, i think thats a bit stereotypical in itself.

You have seen the ads, come to our church... Jesus heals, Jesus saves and then the camera rolls to these white people (sorry caucasians). The qn then becomes, shd i come because Jesus saves or because these caucasians (who supposedly have money) come to your church?

Does the reference to the American make the article or the points therein more believeable? Do we weigh indepth reporting and analysis and acceptance of circumstances because an AMERICAN was there?

O hail the great American. May you be noble as you bless our meeting.

O wow, i thought we were above that. Guess not.

3. In case you havent noticed, running around is actually healthy.

4. We are not required to fit some mould determined by one person. I think you (Dennis) subscribe to the whole God made us Unique thing.. the whole created is his image, fearfully and wonderfully made thing, right?

So if we do not write abt "developmental" things and disappoint people, this is why the INTERWEBS exist. It really is up to you to find what suits you.

its about CHOICE, baby!

Incase you havent read Carlo's rant... you may find it here.

Meanwhile in totally unrelated news, i think Dennis has a crush on tumwi. this opinion has been formed over time by the way. what say u?

i have decided to write this when i am not on the right side of sober, so i do not take responsibility for anything i might say now.

i am not thinking right and its an interesting feeling!

we are discusing feet at the moment and slowly progressing to the whole leg. We are talking about the perfection with which our legs are made.

Its interesting.

we have danced to ragea music and decided when the appropriate time to put up our hands when we are being ire is.

We have decided how many guards of milk we need to take on to determine "fit for marriage" criteria. Decided on how much we need to feed the woman to prove that the man takes care of his woman.

We have gossiped about this girl who turned up at a wedding in an embarrasingly short dress and made all the men's heads turn.

we have talked about facebook and the its detrimental influence on our social status as it is.

If this makes sense to u, u need to take some time out and reeeeeeeeeeeeeally look at ur life!


by the by, Moses (i assume from the Bible) has some how wandered into the conversation.

I know some of y'al been wondering where I am. I am out and about.

A tad rather busy and for some reason bloggers block found my address! thats not kewl Man!

Im going under for a while, but will be back... i hope.

Have you ever felt that things were about to go terribly wrong? 

So we decided to do something different-yes different. Contrary to what some people think, we do not only hang out at Rock night on Thursdays. 

Do I really want to be married? Do I really want to have children?

I'm told "I'm every woman". I am the lover, the girlfriend, the mistress, the nurturer, the confidant, the jutice seeker, the poet, the adviser, the mother. Surely if i skipped out on some of these titles I would still be a woman.

Do I really want to go down the road laid before me? Do I really want to be like every (or most) women whose main ambition is getting married, taking care of a man and having the bus load of kids?

Do I really want to live my life out as a statistic? What happened to individuality? What happened to using this thing called "free will"?

Do I really want to look back and know for fact that the one (or more than one) life I sincerly messed up was the one I bore? The one I took down a road a believed was the right one for him/her?

Do I want to be responsible for giving them false hope? Making them believe that to make it, you just have to believe and work hard leaving out the obvious, "life is out to get you" phrase?

How will I take care of them? How will I explain when i can not give them popcorn and ground nuts on their birthdays? How will I explain when I cant get them a television so they can fit in with the other kids?

How will I explain that I have to work so they can eat? How will I explain that its not because I want to be away from them but because i dont really have a choice?

How will i explain when Daddy walks out? when daddy doesnt want to be with us any more? Why daddy doesnt like coming home any more?

How will I explain(teach) to them that they wont grow up to walk out on responsibilities? How will I explain/show them that I love them enough for everyone else in the world?

How will I explain that Auntie Sara doesnt come home anymore because she was more interested in Daddy than any of us?

How will I explain why Jajja doesnt like them? How can i look them in the eye and tell them its because of me. Its because Daddy chose me and yet im from the wrong tribe/religion?

Do i really want to be the one explaining when things go wrong?

Do i really want to be that responsible? To be that hero that's never wrong? Who has the answer to everything?

I've got your man  And you can't do anything (about it)

 You may think he is coming back to you But (I doubt it) 

Don't make no sense you even call him And try to (work out it)

 Cause I've got your man And you can't do anything (about it)

                                                                  i've got your man- Lady Shaw

i can see myself reaching out to call her. To say to her, "hey, i won!". 

Im giddy with excitement, my palms are sweaty, i cant wait to hear her voice, 

i cant wait to hear her say, "Soap! You lie!"

That there is an example of what I think goes on in your mind when you decide to steal 

your friends man.

Jaz, does that happen? okay technically you were not out to steal him 

(and it was more about her than him) but its about the same thing isnt it? 

I know some people who are in that exact position.

 Both sides, one wants to reach out and gloat and the other is on the receiving  the call.

Why would you want to call this chick and gloat over the man? 

Coz you got him? SO bloody what? If you really think about it, I got him first,

 ergo you are second choice.

And what do you say when she calls?

Goody! Now i don't have to keep holding his hand?

What you think? lemme know.

If I had written this yesterday, I would have been bubbling with excitement.

If I had written this a few minutes ago, I would have been gushing about WANTED. I finally watched it and in the comfort of my home at that. I'm supposed to go on a movie date soon and debated on whether I should keep Wanted for then but after tumwi dissed Cineplex, in a round about kind of way, I could not allow myself to be one of the saps Cineplex is playing.

Definitely a must watch. If you are like me and do not do that much research before you go see a movie, you will have fun. That is not entirely true, at the minimalist end, I do inquire as to which actor/tress is in the movie. I almost did not watch Wanted because of James McAvoy. Something about that Idi Amin movie- Last king of Scotland- which I have not watched, by the way.

The movie scene choreography in this movie are phenomenal. I know I said if I had written this a few minutes ago I would be gushing and I just did but the movie was fun.

In other news, I am listening to Usher's Here I stand. I am not exactly impressed. Amend that to, I am not impressed. I thought I had finally found a soul mate in "U s her R a y m ond" but i was not meant to be.

on the other hand, after listening to Leona Lewis' Spirit, i conclude that i have landed on the sappiest music I have listened to in a while! You know the type, sweet, soft, melodic... unerringly believing in love and the human goodness... Good for going to sleep on.

In more important news, I want to write something out but the words are refusing to organize themselves. I really do not want to be a victim like Cheri but the way things are going...


I am also in loooooooooove with this song. What I like about You- Jon B n babyface.

Now, how to get that date.

Yes, I know I should have had this all worked out by now but first I thought it important to find the perfect person to go on the date with. I know, perfect here, is relative after all.

I had to find a person who I clicked with, who got my lame jokes and who thought I was wonderful. Don’t look at me that way. I know, we are all looking for some one who thinks we are wonderful and trust me, a chat room is the perfect place to find someone who thinks you are wonderful.

In cyberspace everyone is perfect. Every one smells like they just walked through flowers or are musky with some scent only they know the secret ingredients to.

In cyberspace, no one has broken teeth or limited eye vision.

In cyberspace, no one is broke. We are all rich! We all roll in dollar dollar bills!

SO how to tell the really nice guy from the crap? Well, you spend time talking to the person of course, if their story doesn’t change and they are not in some fanatical hurry to get into your pants, you are onto something. Well this is assuming, again, that you do not want your pants jumped into.

I will not bore you with how many frogs I had to “kiss” to find my date. I will rush now to tell you about the date.

I did nothing out of the ordinary. I am one of those people who believe in the whole “be yourself” theory. If I meet you in my jeans and Tee’s and you like me, I will make you proud one day when it finally crosses my mind to wear a dress.

I never want to be accused of being that girl who dresses up to catch a man and then could care less when the man is caught. I would rather shock you some day by “cleaning” up.

So, the date. I met him at rock night. Yes. Lumumba Avenue. In the midst of millions of rock happy Ugandans.

I was in my overly abused black jumper, pink shirt and pink lined jeans chilling with my friends. He was in a preppy sweater over white shirt and grey dress pants.

He had described himself as a nerd. I was some what shocked that he did not have limited vision.

The deal was I had to buy him the most expensive drink in the joint. When we asked the waiter, it turned out the most expensive drink in the joint was tusker malt larger (I think it’s called). We laughed ourselves silly over that. The ice, as they say, was broken.

We chatted for about 30 minutes, it was close to my curfew, I had to leave. I laughed so much and so hard that night. I decided it was like at first chat.

We hang a bit after that. We declared ever lasting love to each other after that. Sigh.

You must be wondering how I rushed this date. I wonder as well. Maybe I’m subconsciously encouraging you to go out there and go on a blind date. My theory is… you have nothing to loose, so why not?

I am getting a head of myself. I need to go through chat room etiquette so you can fully understand what I went through and help those of you who intend to venture into a chat room as a result of this post.

First. It is completely advisable to decide if you are going to be honest with the people you meet in the room or not. It is not some mandatory class room where you will be flayed if you with hold some information or create some information. In fact more than 90% of what you are told is probably a lie.

Second. Choose a name that reflects who you want to be seen as. If you want us to think you are an innocent, “virgin” might not be the best name to go with, for obvious reasons.

Third. Know your game plan and always stick to the plan. Make sure you catch onto who is hot and who is not. And pay attention to abbreviations as these tend to give away the newbie more often than not. Things like ASL (Age, Sex and Location), LOL (Laugh Out Loud), ROTFL (Roll on the Floor Laughing), LMAO (laugh My Ass Off) and BRB (be right back) should come naturally to you. These abbreviations will change, so make sure you pay attention.

Fourth. You are in complete control. You have no one to blame but yourself if things do not go the way you want them to go.

Fifth. chat is like having any other conversation. Sometimes things will come back to bite you in that unmentionable place. And please do not forget that chat is about word play, in reality, the person might not be as witty or as fast. Reality bites, I know.

Do not forget. Chat is a game.

Introducing the people you will probably find in a Ugandan chat room.

Kalema. He is usually that guy who works abroad, who has some dubious job that no one knows and has an opinion on everything. He is almost always a Muganda and anti government.

Opolot is exactly like kalema only he is probably Itesot. He is also anti government and tends to have strange conversations about fish.

Contra-Versy is that guy who wants you to think he is controversial just from his name. Not really creative but well, at least you know you wont get what you see.

Cynthia is like the oldest chick in the room and only talks to specific people and always about “clique-ish” topics. If you weren’t there when the conversation started, too bad.

Krystal is Cynthia’s replacement. She’s witty, seems to get on with many people and will probably be the cause of controversial topics.

Munene/big handsome/lonely is that chap you should be running from, assuming you do not want to get laid. He probably thinks using profanities is the best way to get a girls attention. He will probably turn on you should you refuse to engage in some conversation with him and call your mama all sorts of names.

Uk kid/man/boy probably wants to skip the whole ASL thing and have you think he is amazing simply because he has attached the UK bit. Do not be fooled. This guy is probably in some café in katwe with some questionable power connection.

Poison ivy and the cheerleader. Two girls, who are probably friends out of the chat room, are witty and can gang up on any brother who takes it upon himself to speak before he is spoken to. They tend to give off “can’t touch us” vibes and are the life of the chat room.

Mbeki/Mswati/His Excellence probably lives some where close to South Africa, hence his name. Is interested in politics.

Jimmy/Cathy/Sara/Dennis probably works at a café which explains why they are always online.

Pato feels like he is a lady’s man. He probably has met with (and supposedly slept with more than half the girls in the room). He is an ardent foot ball fan and always online. One wonders when he has time for his family and football. He does not live in Kampala but probably upcountry.

Darius, Devon, Darrell, Tyler, Taylor has a swanky name. You might land on one to match. Usually these are fakers.

I think that’s about it or at least the vital one’s you need to watch out for.

Now, how to get that date.

I had always wanted to go out on one of these and not because of the rave reviews they get in some publications. In fact, I would bet close to 100,000 dollars that what the reporter or date writes after the date is more fiction than fact.

No one wants to read about the blind date from hell. Well, almost no one. I know a number of people who ran mad with excitement at the prospect of reading clearly insane accounts of dates. They just get giddy at the thought of there being someone else out there who is slightly madder than themselves.

In order to accomplish this date, I did what anyone would. I made a list. This list did not include the names of my friends who had friends who I could possibly go on my date with. That, according to me, would be like in a strange way going on a date with my friends. And really, as I see them all the time, it would not be a new experience, more like meeting up to go to Rock night or something.

This list was made up of all the weird possible ways to meet new people. I use weird here to refer to means I would not normally employ to achieve a goal. And no, I did not even consider dialing that number that accompanies those weirdly worded advertisements around the city. You know the ones. The ones that scream out “GET A LOVER!” or more recently “GET BUMS”. They say the quick method has no side effects, I wonder how many gullible people are out there. In fact, it would be interesting to actually find out how many calls the person receives each day.

It was after some careful analysis and the fact that this method fell in with what I had the time to do anyway, I decided to look for my date online.

You may now shake your head in total disbelief and dismay. Disbelief because it was like the most obvious route for me to go and I actually choose to use it and dismay because I actually talked myself into going on the said date.

Now, you might be wondering why I did not just ask one of my friends to hook me up with one of their friends. Here are my reasons. I call very few people “friend” and generally I sometimes wonder how we became friends. Some of these people are wacky and I mean that in the best possible way. Sometimes I wonder if we would have been friends if we had met at different points in our lives. Suffice to say, their friends would never be my friends so a hook up would never go down. And if by some quirk of fate it did happen, I would probably spend all of the ten minutes of the date wondering how you (my friend and you) became friends and more importantly continued to be friends.

That aside, I started the usual way. Google. That proved ineffective because, unlike some people, I do not know the right combination of words to make Google miraculously burst forth with helpful information. As I was unable to find even one online dating/ blind date service in a town near me, I next ventured to yahoo! I figured I had an account with these chaps for a reason. The yahoo! Connection proved interesting. The world was like at my feet and I met interesting people. It was fun.

Then the reality of the matter hit me. François was more than 500 miles away from me. Alien probably could not speak English to save his life and Dwayne’s name reminded me a tad too much of drains and their inhabitants. I some how did not see a future with this man. I might have been a bit rash but how was I going to explain how I knew someone named Dwayne?

I had a sit down with the people who reside in my head and they decided that the best approach would be to look for people at most 50 minutes away from me.

As Uganda’s online community is not yet that advanced I played with the idea of creating my own online dating company. The prospect excited me no end until it occurred to me that with fraud being what it is and those crafty overly active Nigerians messing up the interwebs for us otherwise enterprising persons, this project would not last to see one moon.

Added to which, which Ugandan would pay for something they could get free?

So I did a little research and found chat rooms. Finally I was in my element. I could finally joke about Melanie (Sanyu Fm Dj) and have fun at her expense. I could debate the rather humorless Comedy night and have my thoughts confirmed or trashed! I could finally swap stories about home with people from home.

This little high lasted a short time. It is hard to read someone’s response to your joke especially when you have not spoken to them and know absolutely next to nothing about them.

I am getting a head of myself. I need to go through chat room etiquette so you can fully understand what I went through and help those of you who intend to venture into a chat room as a result of this post.

Recently, over tea, i was talking to a friend and my mother and she (my mother) was talking about how cold it has been recently. (Apparently it was 19c... yes, not cold according to some of you who suffer sub zero temperatures but here! snap!)

So she pulls out the thermometer to prove her point. It was at this point that this memory struck.

Thermometers were probably the first indication that I would never make it in the medical proffession. That and the fact that I generally shy away from anything that makes me tax my other wise simple mind but that is an explanation for another day.

I could never read those things. Even when I was claiming to be sick to get out of going to school, I could never do the whole "self thermometer test'... I heard so many people tell me look for the "line" that will tell you the temperature. I swear I never saw it.

You can thus imagine the problems I had in physics. You do remember S4 physics when the evil syllabus inventors decided that we had to heat water (do not remember what we were trying to prove) and do the whole prism thing?


Yes, I can see this coming back to you. Lets just say I neeeeeeeever saw the line (I think light was supposed to hit the prism and get dispersed then you were supposed to do some fancy art work and draw lines of dispersion or something).

I can clearly see myself in that physics lab going "huh?" millions of times. I decided that there could only be one way of of the whole thing.

Fake it!

I am glad to report I was such a great faker that it was only me who knew what I was on about.

This good "pat-on-the-back" feeling lasted until I had to do cantab! (slang for Uganda Certificate (U.C.E) that is -O'level)

Yes, you guessed right. Everything went all right until I had to choose between the thermometer test and the prism. I did what any blank person would do in my place. I choose the thermometer.

Some basic principles still hold. Boiling point 100 degrees, yes?

Prism? Man... even art was involved.

I am glad to report that I did not fail physics. I got a 3 (pretty nifty for someone totally blank) and even considered doing PEM/D (Physics, Economics, Mathematics and Divinity) at A'level.

The problem with that is that apart from Divinity, the rest are not ME.

If you asked any of my friends if they thought I will eventually do an MBA, they would probably laugh you out of the room. Math and me, did not fall off the same tree, is all I am saying which is probably why the next boyfriend had better be nifty at balancing books.

You must be wondering where I am going with this. I'm a tad lost as well. This all started because I was having a conversation about prism's and about hearing things.

Its like when you go to church and then the announcement person says something like " It is Your day. You are here for a reason!!"

I totally agree with that one. God must have brought me to church for a reason, after all my steps are ordered by HIM.

It gets a little blurry however when the person says something like "God has this message for YOU! He is saying...."

first time, you are like "Yay! A message for me from God! He heard my call!"

Then you really think about it and it hits you that you are over 500 "YOU's" in the congregation. So which YOU is being spoken to?

A few months ago I was crazy about this boy (Ex bff). Not any more though and I will share why in a few precious moments.

First, I think I ought to explain why he was (is) special. (Depending on how long you have been reading my blog, you have heard about Mr. before).

This boy was my first serious boy-friend. I knew I could turn up and talk about what ever, he would raise his eyebrow and let me go on and on and then at the end of my endless rants, he would tell me exactly what to do (like I did not know!).

He helped me understand boys. Let me amend that to men. I tend to call anyone younger than my brother a boy so understand. Actually that’s not true, I still consider my brother a boy but that is a whole other story.

He made it clear to me that although he was hot, I should look elsewhere because he was clearly more interested in being mysterious and up to no good.

He need not have worried on that front… You can not play games with someone you actually like, they always back fire on you and you usually end up loosing that friend which is too high a price to pay for some high that will ware off in less than 5 minutes.

Mushyness aside, Bff has always been there for me. Well… until whatshername turned up. Suddenly the boy realized that he had to actually dress up to impress people, better manage his time and actually pay attention to happening places around the city.

Suddenly I ceased to exist for the boy.

That was okay, its called “transition” we all go through it. That phase when we only have eyes and ears for this “special” person and forget the little people in our lives.

I handled the “time” as best I could and some time later I got bumped to “Ex bff”…Why Bff? Why??????

He insisted that it was an upgrade. I do not agree. Anything with an “ex” in it does not bare well for the bearer of the title.

I reached deep within myself and held on.

It was some time later when I met “this boi” who we shall call “boo”. When I met him, he was the true picture of “nerd meets kewl chick”. We got to talking and he so ever so sweetly offered to listen to me and generally be there for me.

I agreed… a girl needs as many boy-friends as possible, especially when all her girls go loco.

So with the passing of time, we became close (according to me), we got each other through some icky situations and then some.

My little comfortable world came crushing down a few days ago. Truthfully, they are more than a few but I do not like to think about it that way.

We (boo and I) had a little misunderstanding that had me going from laughing on the brink of madness to crying into my pillow wondering how something so simple could get so messed up.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking I probably went out of my way to spill a little perfume on his shirt so when his girlfriend showed he would not have a plausible excuse.

No, that is not what happened. It was nothing as dramatic.

I simply made a crack about something. He thought I was serious and decided to walk out of my life.

And no, it was not something to do with his height, or his nerdy status or his precious car or some lady he is interested in who cannot see straight to save her life.

I was hurt because he did not stop to ask me what I meant. I was hurt because I realized that I was the only one who thought we had passed the stage when we needed a third party to explain exactly what we meant by the things we did and said.

We haven’t spoken in a while now. I sent him an email. He has not responded and that hurts the more. I know I said I needed time but that did not mean I do not want to know how you are doing or what you are up to.

What is with people and taking things as gospel truth when you say them? Okay, I get other people taking them as truth/ fact but not you…

Anyhow, this is how I lost two very important people. I am completely without a start point.

I have been in denail over something for the longest time. I figured if I could get away with it, I might as well...



I was however stopped short the other day when I had a conversation with my brother that went something like



P: So how is every one at home?'

T: They are fine. Mum says she will send you the information so it beez that side

P: what was that?

T: I said she will send it so it b.. its thats side with you.

P: No, No T. what was that? I havent heard that in I dont know how many years! you just killed a buffalo! Mbogo! ((gramatical error))



The interesting part was until he said that, I did not think I had said anything out of the ordinary. My lame response was....



"no, i havent. That is how we be! catch up!"



I have thus resolved to better my command of the English language. It is going to be hard to say the least.



*******************************************



I am not exactly allowed to say anything about yesterday's mini BHH so if you want to catch up... go visit Mr. B2B



I will however say it has been suggested next BHH is at Effendy's (centenary park).

I know, shocking. Read, you might agree :-)


A friend was bitterly arguing with me the other day when that “man”, Thomas Beatie, bore a pretty girl. He argued that the only reason why I scoffed at the idea was because I was offended by the idea that a man would and could do the one thing we (women) guarded so jealously.


Now, my first reaction was “there is no way in hell this man could have given birth, let alone get pregnant! Does no one watch House? Its not one of those “monkey see, monkey do” things, you know”


That thought was promptly followed by the edict God placed when Adam and Eve were being admonished for crossing a line they should not have. Eve (woman) would suffer pain during childbirth; nothing was said about dear old Addy... aside from toiling to provide for his family of course.


In addition to which, lets be honest. Men are not built to have children; they just do not have the right combination. It is that simple.


In my mind it was simple, men cannot give birth.


Then I thought about Julius/Juliet.


Julius/ Juliet Kaganzi kaggwa was born in 1969 and erroneously declared a girl in spite of a few anomalies. In his book “From Julius to Juliet… In search of my true gender” (published by Fountain Publishers, Uganda, 1997), he narrates his scary story. He lived as a girl till about 1995 when he decided to drop his fake female status. Last I heard he got married to a lady named Joy and the headline when he did so read “Old Gayaza girl weds woman”. (Gayaza High School is one of the most prominent all girls high school in Uganda).


It struck me that reverse might be true of Thomas Beatie so I did what any person would do, I googled the chap and had all my suspicions confirmed. Thomas Beatie was born a woman who chose to undergo sex reassignment procedures to technically take on the appearance of being a man, a little cut here, a little cut there and voila!


I think Thomas was happy though because when push came to shove and they -yes he is married to a one Nancy who had a hysterectomy some years ago- wanted to have a child, he could carry one to term.


What my friend forgot in his argument about male emancipation and “gender mainstreaming” was that Thomas (born Tracy Lagondino) was still female because he/she chose to have chest reconstruction and testosterone therapy and retained his/her reproductive rights. He was BUILT to have children. End of discussion.

I’m curious about such people. What happens in their thought process for them to decide to do certain things? I know, life is all about being comfortable in your own skin and all but should there be some limit to this?


I was watching the Tyra Banks show recently and she was interviewing these transgender persons who participated in Trantasia. It’s a pageant to find the most beautiful transgender out there. The participants… Amazing! Some of those guys were hot! No wonder men suffer!


These men had had surgery to an extent (chest reconstruction) and looked every inch like
Women and in case you are wondering, no there were no bulges where there should have been. I am still trying to understand that one.


They all (most) were talking about how they wanted to be women and this was a way to do it. There was this one however who is just a female impersonator (as in his job) and he looks every inch woman. I wonder if you could get paid here…


I found a number of things interesting. One was most of them considered suicide at some point and most when they were in high school. No surprise there, really, when you feel oppressed by yourself because you do not understand who or what you are and then by society that will reject anything they do not understand, it is understandable that you might want to do away with life.


Suicide however seems like a coward’s way out and well, some times, it doesn’t exactly go according to plan. Should that happen, you will forever be looked at as a psychopath which when you consider how “weird” you already are, might not be a bad idea.


Second thing was one of them said they did not want to be buried a woman. When he gets older, he will remove his implants and revert. I wonder what his point all this time has been.


Third, men are vain! Now honestly, the amount of work this men get done puts to shame even the most religiously beauty obsessed female you know. I think it is because they are trying to over compensate for the fact that they are not naturally women. One of them had enough lypo, I felt my skin tighten. He/she looked bad!


Fourth interesting thing is all of them are either dating or married. Does that technically make them homosexual? When they were asked if they use the lower parts of their bodies when they are intimate, their response was, it depended on their partners.


Interesting.